Cups

On a dark stormy night.  There was a pug stuck to my neck.


The End

Granules of spam

"Oh, but I have a habitual translator," said the unruly platypus. I didn't understand what he meant at first, because of the irritability of his hummus. All of a sudden, the nares came to fruition, and I weeded the garden. Once the pustules were vanquished, there was nothing standing in the way of Captain Crunch dominating the racquetball court. Do you have the keys to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Protracting the Spatula

In recent visits to purchase kelp flavored apple sauce, I came across a spatula that seemed to shrink when I gazed upon it.  We shall not be able to overcome the indescribable feeling that comes with tiny, minute, pancake flippers which give way to temptation.  Shun them I suppose with great resistance.

cable ties are on my ankle

Collusion is a part of my genetic makeup. My manual transmission is pulling these feelings out of me. Don't you think I should partake in such tomfoolery? I can't stand the frightening nature of parameters. Oh, and by the way, if you see me at the partridge family reunion festival, be sure to remind me of my inclination to proliferate my ambulance.

Shunt resistors in Hazzard County

I bet you wonder what this means. While watching dukes of hazzard on my couch something poked me in my leg when I sat down. To my surprise it was my shunt resistor that had been so close to my heart for years. After January she disappeared from my life. We watched dukes of hazzard together for a solid week catching up on old times. I then pretended that my newly found shunt resistor made a great partner in viewing re-runs of the dukes (me and my resistor) in hazzard county.

Tortoises and snacks

Somebody said I should write about my experience with the carpal tunnel gnomes. "Somebody" is a euphemism for antelope ticks. So here goes.

I went to the rolling pin for some tubular advice. He/she said my hombre was justified in rapping about granules. I don't know whether I took offense, or if I was stupendous. Either way, that whatchamacallit sent me down to the river to see if there were any underwater globes to be had. There I encountered the carpal tunnel gnomes of yesteryear. They keeled over in dismay when I told them of my fascination with horticulture. Although they didn't have much to say, they did entertain me to the point of undercooking my deer sausage.

Yelping for cookies

Over there is my panda bear shaped grape soda. I procured it from the hospital when Tomathy was there next week with an appendix bypass interruption. Don't think the attending prosthetic didn't notice my be-gloved-ness, or the jamboree infestation in my Pinto. Undoing mass migration is the business I hope to be in when I graduate from the state college of Umbro shorts. Or there may be snapping pigeons on the Phil Collins statue on the square in Madagascar. Photo finishes are a hobby of mine, since I ate that camera a few tape guns back. I once doodled a doodle of noodles when I was huffing arctic sea turtles. Don't judge me by my overreaching habits, says the orbital bone infection.

Artifacts

I fell off my tricycle at the profile camp. Handing me over to the golf club manufacturers caused a yam infestation of the medulla oblongata. Therefore, I must take a full month prescription of Valtrex to put the fire out in my trachea. Justifying my internal biological clock will help pay for the operation to fill Shoeless Joe Jackson's shoes. Giving in to my compulsions, I ate the Barry Manilow 8-tracks I had been saving since next November. Lofty expectations may, however, cause me to recoil Slinky protectors. Have a field day with my understood implications, says Mr. Bond. James Bond.

Not usually a fan of serious blogs, but...

...here we go.

I am grateful.

I am grateful that my family is healthy.

I am grateful that my wife accepts me and loves me in spite of all my screwups.

I am grateful that my friends and family support me, even when I make choices that don't make sense at the time.

I am grateful that I have a good job, even though I sometimes complain.

I am grateful that I have a job at all.

Mostly, I am grateful for all the blessings that have been unconditionally given to me, and undeservedly so.

For those of you who I have mentioned in this post, I am grateful for you. Please always remember that even when I complain, and even when I don't seem to be appreciative, in my heart I am eternally thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. And I am thankful for your time in reading this.

internal combustion device

Over the river and through the woods, to Jimmy Jamison's house we go. Tantrums are the pinnacle of my obsoleteness. What does the Yellow River Game Ranch have to do with my gloves? I think it pertains to the handyman repairing the overhead console. Taper down to the gangrene removal machine, says my pancreas. Fourty snake babies are protruding from the cavern at the back of the overture. I believe the Sega tapes are being used as frisbees in the cosmic game of smoothie making. Do you underestimate the bankrolling of matador neutering?

don't turn the clam

Down the hatch. So says the grapefruit, as he barrels up the interstate on his moped. Underlining the hamburger seems like an illustrious grope at reality. Float by yourself out of the grotto, but not as slowly as horse hair soup. Idlely taking the heat out of namecalling is a gigantic sneak. Oh for the sake of petulence goes the rastafarian moose. Don't grab the lavatory taco.

onto the bleating parsnips

My goodness, what a purty step-grandfather clock. I mean, it couldn't be that the snarling owl babies have returned from their sojourn into gamestop. No of course not. More likely that hardened egg crates have been infused into the world of tarts and cookies. Although mostly unfurled, the pandemonium surrounding the Armenian marching band has been blown out of prepositions. All the gravy won't be accused of robbing a banded goat. Flapping out of the hardwood forest, we should yelp with discouragement at the frozen rolling pin. Enter the jalopy eating cakes.

Squatting on a protracted needle

Gloating paper clips are not for the squeamish. I cannot stress the importance of baby lotion bottles enough, as they pertain to the plotting of a course to Zimbabwe. In response to my crepe panning, you must entertain. Does this make enough to flake a tootsie roll pop? The world may never know. Overcooked though it may be, I must prescribe a can of bloated flea dookie. Do not seek the treasure, says the gandering filler neck.

Be afraid you egotistical flange.

A few things come to mind. Being egotistical is not an appropriate quality. For example, look at the flange in the illustration above. When having a big ego the flange became overloaded and somewhat "faulty" if you will. I wonder when big milt will conduct some new scientific experiment in which he makes alavert grow from a pleading granulated sugar frothating machine.

Wheat and catapults

BREAKING NEWS FLASH.... THURSDAY

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE DESK OF TAPE GUNS ANONYMOUS...

There were 12,000,063 snarling owl babies seen invading airspace over Uzbekistan early next week, in clear violation of the Inability Pact of 473 B.C., according to German authorities. What this means in relation to the flaking of egg shells has yet to be determined. Farming equipment was instrumental to the compartmentalization of gourds. The engorgement will proceed to become a malapropism of sorts.

In other news, the narcissistic embolism cannot be undermined by bloviated Peruvian sloth toenails. There will be no implications of garishness to the harem procession. Any assistance can be directed to the National Rifle Association's office of foreign affairs.

This has been a news flash. Now back to your regularly scheduled fish feeding.

gloated loins

Dough rollers and plaque inscriptions are similar to my ankle. Or pastry oven. Here is the conversation between the digits.

roller: Hey you, I have a pinecone shaped interphalangeal joint.

oven: Perhaps you should have a dermatologist pee on your nose hairs.

roller: I have acted rashly.

ankle: Goat cheese is said to have phlebotomic value.

inscriptions: No, you feline intentional foul.

oven: Blasted fools and their wee little handlebars.

roller: You should've consulted Mr. Galapagos for the password to the garden gnomes.


And so goes the dialogue betwixt all the genomes and particles.
Please refrain from describing this interaction to any and all antelopes.

Toke Q

Ordinary plucking devices are like a time machine. Oh, for the sake of placation devices, says the torpid jackalope. Can you hear all the ringers from Doug Flutie's cell phone? They are telling me to pretend I am Hugh Jackman. You know, the guy that has big chops in that movie about the mutant superheros. What's the name of it? Oh yeah, Clerks. Or was that the movie about the snakes on an airplane? Maybe the one with Denzel Washington's nephew's dog. Or perhaps I am meandering around the 9mm blanks.

Gobs of fortuitudes

I can't pretend to fragment my ornate games anymore. Frankincense is not to be taken lightly with gravy boat replacement therapy. Man, all this talk of gravy makes me peckish. Could you interrogate the protractor angles for a pence or fifteen?

/// stanks ///

MY FACE IS GROWING LIKE A PANCREATIC CORPUSCLE

Antibodies

Wativulus Sentera here to report about antibodies. Why are they called antibodies? If that were the case then would they not be AGAINST our bodies since they are anti? Well what would happen if they were considered robobiotics instead of antibiotics. We would have to be robots to ingest such a group conglomerate species. If we were robots we would need no kind of biotics because we could be doctors like such...
What about prebiotic like cheese crackers.

Keeping up with the scientific culture including antibodily fluids takes a lot of research. I hope these statistics have served you well.

From the lab of Reticulated Munichs