Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Conversation between the anti-alias'...mason b and cutcliff

Here is the dialogue of two great masterminds behind corn starching waverly's anti-inflamatory drugs.

mason b: Come here mate. You know that Jenkins wants his balloons to be delivered to the corruptionated willfully.

cutcliff: But wait Toast and mucinex butter (mason b-remember the alias). The behemoth tainted oxford a while ago.

mason b: Yes and fraility is weightier than moochachos and rogaine.

cutcliff: Picuture this scenario...Filthy goes to the ocean to reunite a blended family of slow pokes and 3 toed slueths.

bainbridge: how did I, I meant he get in here? Anyways the wound up frilly goats came by last night to drop off the balloons.

cutcliff: get those lacey frontal shots over here.

mason b: lets resolve this by anxiously awaiting the ice truck again, and this time I challenge you to a duel.

cutcliff: lets go for it (jokingly but rather serious in mason b's eyes).

Lights dim and we exit to our nearest grocer's freezer burn.

Monday, December 22, 2008

ten random potato chips

1. I have been known to trunculate with games.
2. I have every intention of installing a flange on my cape.
3. Snellville makes me eat cake straws.
4. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can take my garbage disposal for a ride.
5. I can't stop myself from harrassing people wearing Carhartt jackets on their metatarsals.
6. I believe tarpaulins look great on my phalanges.
7. Oh but the big green caravan of garganturific corpuscles.
8. I am getting mighty snooty in my old age, or maybe fanaticism.
9. I have a garish grin and pacifying carpal tunnels.
10. Contact lenses are my greatest accomplishment.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Wait, wait, ha ha ha, I'm craz...I'm crazy man

I suffer from. The scruples in which I portray does'nt equal intergalactic. I dont appreciate humanoids accusing me of ammusing ! The main course will be a various mix compliments of Lig Bots. Oh yeah, I forgot. I have been diagnosed with Anablephobia. This is the fear of looking up. Here is a picutre of me-ow looking up in which I am fearcely afraid of.

Maybe a better description would be snarling owl babies who are afraid to look horizontaly. In this case...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Maybe phosphorus

I believe in triskaidekaphobia, or perhaps I'm afraid of 13. Do the capers make pfizer faucets cower with practical joke tupperware? Gravy boats are useless for parking pass redemption or stamping.

But I must use anterior postulate candles for aping gubs.

Spotucular perform-hints

Aint this great:

We whip the grease and around lagrange the heated smoot gingiss makes hooray, illustrated here:

Also Cacti can correspond to such a bountiful screen as C=bunt A=the washboard C=arrousingly T=tamingly I=while under hypnotism. A gnostic acrositc or antonym.
Like this:

Tape staples

Flatulations. That is what I think of perforated gangrene engines. Does the narcissistic walrus make noise when his ventricular artery is partially cantankerous. Oh say can you see, says the gargantuan flipper pimp. Baked on a slab of granite, I can't stop the music. Feliz Navidad to all the games and sturgeons. Came away from the helicopter with. Undue proliferations will not keep overnight in a freezer bag. Help!

Monday, December 15, 2008

An amazing thing called "what the heck".

My friend has a weird collection of quote unquote, knick knacks, if you will. Well with that said he decided to wrap one of those strange odds and ends for a belated Arbor day present. With that in mind the gift showed up in my hands. I opend it and was in great thankfulness. I was filled with so much gattitude that I could not even express it. Several days went by and the gift sat on my night table. I could not figure out what it actually was. I smelt it, tried to taste it, and researched it. Finally after all the work I figured out what the gift was...It was a "what the heck is this crap". I had never had one of those. I do know. After a little more digging I came up with an illustration of this creature. It is called a trilobite. This picture is of a sea sick trilobite and does not resemble mine. They dont make good pets. Rather a decorative toilet brush holder.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I'm prone to being galvanized by cycloptic features.

Oh yes, I am prone. And rather tumultuous as well. In regards to the cacophony of pancreatic interrogations, I must reiterate the importance of gamblistic tendencies. If this does not suit your fancy, you should take shelter in the gargantuan imitations of belly-dancing. Like so.

Yes Frothy, the SSSS NoMan said "___________"!! again

Making my way through the malnurished potato patch. I was completely alone, I THOUGHT. Much to my dismay the realization came to me. Someone or thing was in front of me. A milky looking ancient cuniform tranlator stepped out of the darkness to approach me. At first I was hesistant to perform some martial arts moves on his neck. As I physically assaulted him, he let out a strange cry that sound like "I did not win the smooching olympics persay. I came in eleventeenth place and ranked
1st among the meat grinder convention. Come to find out he had actually escaped and I was beating up his empty prescrition bottle of tonsillitis antibodies!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

under the cycle of pituitaries

My esteemed colleague Mr. Stupid has informed me of his intent to become a swashbuckler. Well, this got me thinking... what do tentacle suction cups have to do with unitards? Or maybe leotard-type alarm clocks? In the spirit of companionship, I have offered my services as a snowshoe. Keep on taking cookies from the milk cupboard, if you prefer to be an anklet theif. Here I have attached a picture of the culprit.

My tribute to the new me!

I have decided to change either my name or identity. We it crossed my mind to become a Mongolian congressman, nah. Then I thought of a Uraguian gang member, or an entertaining oboe player on the Norwegian cruise lines. All of the sudden it hit me. I had 2 choices, either a Icelandic turtle or a Sudanese swashbuckler. So I chose the swashbuckler because no one will detect my new identity because of my illustrious effect to become incognito. So here I have attached an artist rendered draft of swashbuckler in which I look like soon enough...Ha Ha Ha.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Hit and miss

There is an unusual amount of folks whose names end in Kilpatrick who have accused me of being of pterodactylian descent. I have clipped wings and been groomed to the point having human like features. With this in mind I weigh largely on the human side with such illustrious humanistic characteristics. I have attached a photograph of me before the transformation in which I used to look like this...

Now with that said and done after the reconstructive evaluation I was able to painfully endure. I have attached another photo after the fact in which there will be some more work to be done. I have changed my name to "Big Milt" and will be signing autographs like such...

Hey hey hey

It's Decembuary. You know what that means. It means I will soon be running naked through fields of snow-covered and perpetuated gargantuan paper cups looking for cryogenically frozen Jeeps.

In any case, all that must be done is to bring an extra toaster oven to the autonomic rallying point. Crepes will be distributed evenly among the flat-topped Archemedes impersonators.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Angler fish

I wanna be an angler fish. These guys are ferocious tape guns with large molars and incisors. How many geriatric flamethrowers can make that claim? None, says the large brown anteater. If anteaters could talk, do you think they would ask, "What in the world happened to my nose hairs?" I believe they would. Maybe I should try windsurfing with an antelope attached to my pancreas.

Wachutu tribe

AH, you may think...I seem to recall that in the movie Ace Ventura part 2. Well bumble bee tuna to you too. This is one loogi spittin son of a gun right here. This is a perfect candidate for the wachutu tribe.

This perhaps is not the greatest of wachutu members. Seemingly as it is this fella was considered a "white devil." Unlike the real tribee the contrast of color differs too much to be a representative of the infamous wachutu people group. Well I am glad we could clear this up and always remember...Bumble bee tuna, bumble bee tuna, your butt is showing!

By stappapalooza the dummustrious

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tanuki suit

Check out this pimped out tanuki suit.

Oh wait, that's a regular tanuki dog. Check out this real tanuki suit. I want one cause I'm a jerk.

by kevin the jerk


I am pursuing, the precious, what we call "tanooki". Now take in mind I am not

talking about Mario in a raccoon suit that flys with his tail. Because that simply

aint precious. Now I am talking about a Japanese Raccoon Dog. I would hate to

be camping and Mario Bros. show up in tanooki suits going through my cooler.

I would whip somebodys butt. Now if a harmless tanuki with rabies shows up and gets

in my cooler...then cool. He is cudly and deadly at the same time. No problem for

the tanuki verses the tanooki.

by the stappalapagus

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Podietry or anticipation alliances?

Is podietry the act of dieting consuming only feet? Whatever the case may be I am wondering if there is any explanation about this pictorial. I have become very doctorate about my feety ball. Dont really know if it is good for a "strange doctor" such as this lady portrayed in this illustrious photo to touch my feeties. Those are the NO-NO spots or 3. However self podiatration is also uncommon most of the time. It is an art that I have perfected.

Stupid footy balls

This blog is about my persistence with taping videos of footy balls onto my anklet. I can't figure out what happens between ACL repair surgery and topiary sculpturing, when one is art and the other is science. I think the topiary thing might be a bit of trunculating or maybe persnickety figuring. That is for you to decide.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Above is an image of the card game "pinochle", sometimes pronounced "pee-knuckle".

The definition of "pee-knuckle", according to urbandictionary.com:

v. The drunken act of trying not to urinate on your hand while trying to pee and keep your balance. Usually requiring a very drunk individual.
"He just went to go to the bathroom, man, but he is so trashed he is probably in there playing pee-knuckle."

Can someone explain the difference, or is there one? Maybe David and I will make a video to document our findings.

On a more serious note...

Last night we saw the election of the first African-American President of the United States of America. Yes, it's historic, and yes, it's very cool. I just wish it were someone different. Obama is a proven Muslim with ties to terrorism in his past, however distant. I just can't understand the blindness of Americans to his facade. He will say and do anything to get approval, which is scary. What do we do when we're faced with a difficult decision in legislature, in a situation where the majority public wants something that is completely wrong, but Obama wants to please the masses? Instead of doing the right thing, he will simply appease people to keep his approval rating high. Watch and see. This country will be in the shitter in four years. God bless us all, cause we're gonna need it.

I am disappointed in the American public in general.

Monday, November 3, 2008


Is this wild turkey??

Or is it more like this here??

Either way, they both taste great.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ok, if you insist.

This is more what I had in mind.

It has been a little while.

I haven't shaved any llamas lately, but I plan to try it soon. Any tips from YOU kevin would be great on this great pastime.

By the looks of this picture I may have some trouble.

Monday, October 27, 2008

A video that could change the election? You decide.

Friday, October 24, 2008

WHo is there?

I awoke to a strange and fowl voice speaking in mild latin saying "bumble bee tuna, bumble bee tuna. Much to my dismay I could not gather my thoughts of who it could be. The voice spoke so commandingly in Uraguain and a touch of Czechloslavakian. I was able to make out some of the translation as I conjured up some sort of meal that most people call brunchfast or lupper. The voice was basically trying to get me to pay some past due bill for when I purchased a faulty clothes hanger factory. Come to find out the voice was my pituitary gland trying to impersonate a telemarketer selling barn shingles made entirely of chewed up peanut hulls.

word of the weird
stizapolis III Jr part 4 esquire senoir


Man, I woke up this morning with an earache in my ankle. At least I didn't wake up dead. That saying has never made sense to me. "Wake up dead." How is it possible to wake up if you're dead? What a conundrum. I should probably take up peeing on my hair. It should be more of a chore to open a store that sells porcupines that sell glue chips.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

how to make water -- by fatshark76

So maybe I lied.

This is not a blog about shaving llamas, so I suppose you could sue me for false advertisement. So go ahead. I dare ya. And I will send my alpacas to your domicile to raid your refrigeration unit. Oh yeah, back to the reason for this blog...

I will periodically update the world on the state of my insanity, and the progression thereof. The doctors say I should be fine as long as I take my medication, so we'll see. I'll keep you posted, Mr. Gummy Bear.